I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
