he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
