he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
