It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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