He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
