She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
