6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
