I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize