Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
