When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
