hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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