I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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