please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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