i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
