i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
