i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
