you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
