Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
