Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
