Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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