my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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