She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
