Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
