WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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