Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
