Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
