i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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