i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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