when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
