you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
