the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
