if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
