i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
