Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
