At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
