She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize