JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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