i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
