So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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