Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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