He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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