I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was CRYING into my vagina
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
