she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
