Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I die, sorry about rent.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
