No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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