Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize