Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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