someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
