why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
