If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
