i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize