Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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