My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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