I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
