dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
