I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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