Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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