either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
