:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
