I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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