Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
