She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
