I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just high enough for therapy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
