lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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