I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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