Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Barsexuality is the new black.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
