So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
