I'm eating all of the evidence.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we're so committed to being not committed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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